Cathy Cathodic
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When it comes to rap, should you mix business with pleasure?
As a rule, I try not to mix the two. Sexual tension can add to the creative process if you’re both feeling it. Once that line is crossed, things can get complicated and your work can suffer. If you know you’re gonna succumb, if the pressure’s too intense when you’re in the studio with someone, at least wait until you’ve got something solid on tape. If you’re on the road, just make sure you’re fulfilling your duties on stage and that there’s no one back home getting hurt. That goes for all parties involved.

I think my girlfriend is about to tell me she loves me, but I’m not sure I feel the same way. What’s the best course of action?
Well, she hasn’t said it yet, so maybe you’re being a bit presumptuous there, player. Direct communication is always helpful if you sense an imbalance. If her feelings are clear and yours aren’t, let her know and take a step back.

I’ve always wanted to try sex in a public place. Any pointers?
Look good but don’t wear anything too restricting. No synthetic fabrics. Try to document it so you can refer back to the scene later for masturbation fodder. Just don’t get caught, unless that’s part of your kink, I suppose. Stay away from places where you might expose yourself to small children. They’re traumatized enough.

I’ve got a serious crush on a guy who works at my neighborhood coffee shop. What’s the best way to get his attention?
He’s already in a subservient role so you’ve already got it. Just remember that being hit on at your wage-slave service job can suck if you’re not down with the suitor and they can’t take a hint. Give him your digits and perhaps an offering like a book or mix tape.

I have a bad habit of nervously divulging too much information on first dates. How can I learn to keep my mouth shut?
Write a rap song with all of that awkward and uncomfortable personal information. Immortalize it for the whole world to hear and sculpt a disconcerting sonic bomb from your neurosis. Anyone who’s still interested can probably handle your loud mouth. Otherwise, when you have the urge to word-vomit, ask your date about themselves instead and practice your active-listening skills.

A guy I drunkenly gave my number to at a bar won’t stop calling me. What’s the best way to lose him?
Tell him you love him and that you’re so glad to have found a man who’s not scared of commitment.

Is there anything you’d like the single public to know about the romantic lives of rappers?
The romantic life of a rapper is a rich, sensual landscape where all of your dreams are fulfilled. Duh!

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